Thursday, May 8, 2008

We just got stupider

Even the folks here in good ol Aotearoa are backing Obama. Seems 47 percent of us would choose him over the 31 percent that would choose Clinton.

What makes this so fucking hilarious is that another study I saw on the news last night showed that over half of us don't even know we have our own elections in New Zealand in November. Goes to show how grey and dull our politicians are.

Are we that fucking stupid? Don't answer that - I already know the answer.

Here we see Lisa "tits out for the lads" Lewis being escorted from the field after streaking (fucking pitiful attempt) at a rugby match last year. She's now scored the job as AltTV's 'Naked Newsreader'.

The naked newsreader idea is his, and he defends it as simply taking news as entertainment to its logical conclusion. "We want to take the piss out of news because the news is crap", he has explained, I'd like to think in Shakespearean tones. - great tits though.

and even

Salisbury said sexual addiction was at the root of many social ills.
"Look in your own backyard -- rapes, murders, incest," she said.

Well I DID go and look in my own back yard and all I found was that the lawns need mowing. There is no fucking going on at my house. I also checked in the neighbours back yards and not much going on there, although their lawns have been done and the police are on the way.
(Update to drug side-effects)
New ad on TV here in NZ for hair loss stopper stuff called Propecia - this causes loss of libido, enlarging of breasts (in men for fuck's sake), tenderness of said breasts and testicular pain!

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Sorry honey, I've shit my pants

I recently bought a huge TV and one of it's instant benefits is that I can now read all the fine print on those medicine, hair regrowth and give up smoking ads.

Without naming names, one product for erectile dysfunction will give you diahorrea, make you lightheaded and sweat profusely. "Mmmmm, I'm horny babe, but I just fell over and cracked my head on the coffee table and shit my pants. Wanna do it?" Classy.

One of the give up smoking medicines will give you insomnia and a rapid heartbeat. Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but the middle of the night is the WORST possible time for a smoker with nothing better to do than think about giving up smoking. This kinda shit should knock you out for about a month, not keep you awake.

The hair regrowth one will lower your sex drive and give you mouth ulcers. So now I'm scoring chicks with my beautiful hair but can't get it up or even kiss them because I've got bleeding gums? I want some of that one.

Which leads us right back to the erectile dysfunction pills.

"Whoops, sorry honey, I've shit my pants again."

Somebody at the drug companies has got a mean sense of humour.

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Where We Going Bud?

Why are we, New Zealand, even negotiating a free trade agreement with China? We should be telling them to get fucked, not buying more of their crap. Look, I don't really need to go into the background of all this (Tibet, sweat shop labour, Indonesian rainforests), but what is in it for us? Really? What is there?

We buy their stuff to fill up the $2 Shop and The Warehouse with rubbish our kids break before they even get it home, using more resources, we tacitly support their regime, we make their rich folks richer and do nothing for the poor bastards working in the factories.

How much New Zealand made goods will they buy in return? My guess is fuck all. The government says $500 million. Now I may be an idiot, but where exactly does this come from? I guess it means they'll buy wood, ship it to China, turn it into flimsy patio furniture and then ship it back here to sell in our shops. Can't we do it here ourselves? Obviously not.

Ethics don't come into it. The loss of jobs here, exploitation of workers in China, the hidden, environmental, cost of shipping wood to China and back for what? Furniture that breaks as soon as we sit our fat arses in it? Dumb doesn't even come into it.

The Olympic organising committee (supported by the government's silence) are now telling our athletes they can't say anything even remotely seen as critical of the Chinese regime while they are at the Olympic Games. Fuck free speech, eh guys?

What are we afraid of? That they'll invade us? They won't be our friends? They'll stop sending us their plastic toys and flimsy furniture? GET REAL.

New Zealand used to stand up for itself on the world stage (remember French nuclear testing?), now it's all about money and greed, fuck the people and fuck the ethics. This is from a Labour government that now has a National opposition saying that the Prime Minister is being 'responsible' in our reaction to the repression in Tibet and not stirring things up so close to signing a Free Trade Agreement. Makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand up on end.

On the international front: I'm disappointed Barack Obama didn't take the opportunity to say: "Yeah, well, Pastor Wright has his own way of saying things, but FUCK YOU, there are reasons why 9/11 happened, we have been pricks overseas, there has been a history of racism in America, we do have social injustice. We need to fix these things, not deny them." Instead he's disassociating himself from his spiritual mentor of two decades. The plot thins.

On the local front: How come I didn't know about the NORML bus coming to New Plymouth yesterday? Fuck.